Cursory research reveals that "ambrosia" is the food of the gods, while "nectar" is their drink. So, that's out of the way.
If I told you that I'm at a Starbucks, a chain I don't believe I've slammed yet (I'm looking at you, TCBaTL!), you might surmise that this post's eponymous nectar comprises brewed coffee, a dairy- or hydrogenated oil- based creamer (based on your preferences, natch), and any of Starbucks' choices for you to sweeten your palate*, though each of your choices are far removed from what the gods intended.
In fact, you're wrong. Probably about a lot of things, but in this case, I'm speaking about water.
"Water is the only drink for a wise man." - Henry David Thoreau (famous)
"I said, 'Bring me something to drink,' not something to bathe in." - Rene Gamero (not famous)
Ahh, water. Molecular Gold Medalist. We're hunting for it on other planets. It's that good! We need it for survival!
Now, we, as humans, like to use water as our favorite drinking solvent much like we use french fries as our favorite ketchup substrate, and, thanks to modernization (thanks, modernization!), we need to go to great lengths to purify our drinkable water (only 1%-2% of all water on this planet) before we'll even fill that plastic, planet-killing cup full of Iced Skinny Caramel Macchiato.
This purification process goes on at most beverage manufacturers and purveyors, such as this Starbucks location. This means that the purified water is here for me to consume to continue surviving, and, if I would like some of that water, I should be able to ask for some and receive it. As a matter of fact, up until recently, I could, much like I can at Chipotle, independent coffee shops, and TCBaTL (yeah, that's one for you!) without ordering anything that costs.
But this has stopped!
"Hi. Can I get a water?"
"No. The Starbucks policy is now that you can only get a water if you make a purchase."
"Oh, but I'm waiting for a friend and I don't want to buy something now and be finished by the time he gets here."
"Oh, well if you're waiting for a friend." Baristo fetches me some water.
Success! This is the title of my post! Had I not used my brain, I might've written "...Denied to All."
Now, I can end this post going out on top, but that would deny me this opportunity to continue sitting next to this gentleman with some sort of fucked up condition that's causing him to make all kinds of shakes, twitches, and whatnot, while he watches girls doing yoga on youtube. So, I'll continue.
If you read the title of this post, then assumed I meant water, and then further assumed I'd be talking about all the people on earth who're dying from dehydration and disease associated with drinking polluted water, well, you'd be wrong, again (this is a comedy blog) - I was very selfish and narrow-minded when I started writing this.
However, I find myself emulating Bertrand Russell in this life - "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind." So, here's to you, dehydrating people - I'm fighting the good fight with my words to get free water for everyone.
-Vin
*-misnomer
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Cursory research reveals that "ambrosia" is the food of the gods, while "nectar" is their drink. So, that's out of the way.
If I told you that I'm at a Starbucks, a chain I don't believe I've slammed yet (I'm looking at you, TCBaTL!), you might surmise that this post's eponymous nectar comprises brewed coffee, a dairy- or hydrogenated oil- based creamer (based on your preferences, natch), and any of Starbucks' choices for you to sweeten your palate*, though each of your choices are far removed from what the gods intended.
In fact, you're wrong. Probably about a lot of things, but in this case, I'm speaking about water.
"Water is the only drink for a wise man." - Henry David Thoreau (famous)
"I said, 'Bring me something to drink,' not something to bathe in." - Rene Gamero (not famous)
Ahh, water. Molecular Gold Medalist. We're hunting for it on other planets. It's that good! We need it for survival!
Now, we, as humans, like to use water as our favorite drinking solvent much like we use french fries as our favorite ketchup substrate, and, thanks to modernization (thanks, modernization!), we need to go to great lengths to purify our drinkable water (only 1%-2% of all water on this planet) before we'll even fill that plastic, planet-killing cup full of Iced Skinny Caramel Macchiato.
This purification process goes on at most beverage manufacturers and purveyors, such as this Starbucks location. This means that the purified water is here for me to consume to continue surviving, and, if I would like some of that water, I should be able to ask for some and receive it. As a matter of fact, up until recently, I could, much like I can at Chipotle, independent coffee shops, and TCBaTL (yeah, that's one for you!) without ordering anything that costs.
But this has stopped!
"Hi. Can I get a water?"
"No. The Starbucks policy is now that you can only get a water if you make a purchase."
"Oh, but I'm waiting for a friend and I don't want to buy something now and be finished by the time he gets here."
"Oh, well if you're waiting for a friend." Baristo fetches me some water.
Success! This is the title of my post! Had I not used my brain, I might've written "...Denied to All."
Now, I can end this post going out on top, but that would deny me this opportunity to continue sitting next to this gentleman with some sort of fucked up condition that's causing him to make all kinds of shakes, twitches, and whatnot, while he watches girls doing yoga on youtube. So, I'll continue.
If you read the title of this post, then assumed I meant water, and then further assumed I'd be talking about all the people on earth who're dying from dehydration and disease associated with drinking polluted water, well, you'd be wrong, again (this is a comedy blog) - I was very selfish and narrow-minded when I started writing this.
However, I find myself emulating Bertrand Russell in this life - "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind." So, here's to you, dehydrating people - I'm fighting the good fight with my words to get free water for everyone.
-Vin
*-misnomer
Cursory research reveals that "ambrosia" is the food of the gods, while "nectar" is their drink. So, that's out of the way.
If I told you that I'm at a Starbucks, a chain I don't believe I've slammed yet (I'm looking at you, TCBaTL!), you might surmise that this post's eponymous nectar comprises brewed coffee, a dairy- or hydrogenated oil- based creamer (based on your preferences, natch), and any of Starbucks' choices for you to sweeten your palate*, though each of your choices are far removed from what the gods intended.
In fact, you're wrong. Probably about a lot of things, but in this case, I'm speaking about water.
"Water is the only drink for a wise man." - Henry David Thoreau (famous)
"I said, 'Bring me something to drink,' not something to bathe in." - Rene Gamero (not famous)
Ahh, water. Molecular Gold Medalist. We're hunting for it on other planets. It's that good! We need it for survival!
Now, we, as humans, like to use water as our favorite drinking solvent much like we use french fries as our favorite ketchup substrate, and, thanks to modernization (thanks, modernization!), we need to go to great lengths to purify our drinkable water (only 1%-2% of all water on this planet) before we'll even fill that plastic, planet-killing cup full of Iced Skinny Caramel Macchiato.
This purification process goes on at most beverage manufacturers and purveyors, such as this Starbucks location. This means that the purified water is here for me to consume to continue surviving, and, if I would like some of that water, I should be able to ask for some and receive it. As a matter of fact, up until recently, I could, much like I can at Chipotle, independent coffee shops, and TCBaTL (yeah, that's one for you!) without ordering anything that costs.
But this has stopped!
"Hi. Can I get a water?"
"No. The Starbucks policy is now that you can only get a water if you make a purchase."
"Oh, but I'm waiting for a friend and I don't want to buy something now and be finished by the time he gets here."
"Oh, well if you're waiting for a friend." Baristo fetches me some water.
Success! This is the title of my post! Had I not used my brain, I might've written "...Denied to All."
Now, I can end this post going out on top, but that would deny me this opportunity to continue sitting next to this gentleman with some sort of fucked up condition that's causing him to make all kinds of shakes, twitches, and whatnot, while he watches girls doing yoga on youtube. So, I'll continue.
If you read the title of this post, then assumed I meant water, and then further assumed I'd be talking about all the people on earth who're dying from dehydration and disease associated with drinking polluted water, well, you'd be wrong, again (this is a comedy blog) - I was very selfish and narrow-minded when I started writing this.
However, I find myself emulating Bertrand Russell in this life - "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind." So, here's to you, dehydrating people - I'm fighting the good fight with my words to get free water for everyone.
-Vin
*-misnomer
Cursory research reveals that "ambrosia" is the food of the gods, while "nectar" is their drink. So, that's out of the way.
If I told you that I'm at a Starbucks, a chain I don't believe I've slammed yet (I'm looking at you, TCBaTL!), you might surmise that this post's eponymous nectar comprises brewed coffee, a dairy- or hydrogenated oil- based creamer (based on your preferences, natch), and any of Starbucks' choices for you to sweeten your palate*, though each of your choices are far removed from what the gods intended.
In fact, you're wrong. Probably about a lot of things, but in this case, I'm speaking about water.
"Water is the only drink for a wise man." - Henry David Thoreau (famous)
"I said, 'Bring me something to drink,' not something to bathe in." - Rene Gamero (not famous)
Ahh, water. Molecular Gold Medalist. We're hunting for it on other planets. It's that good! We need it for survival!
Now, we, as humans, like to use water as our favorite drinking solvent much like we use french fries as our favorite ketchup substrate, and, thanks to modernization (thanks, modernization!), we need to go to great lengths to purify our drinkable water (only 1%-2% of all water on this planet) before we'll even fill that plastic, planet-killing cup full of Iced Skinny Caramel Macchiato.
This purification process goes on at most beverage manufacturers and purveyors, such as this Starbucks location. This means that the purified water is here for me to consume to continue surviving, and, if I would like some of that water, I should be able to ask for some and receive it. As a matter of fact, up until recently, I could, much like I can at Chipotle, independent coffee shops, and TCBaTL (yeah, that's one for you!) without ordering anything that costs.
But this has stopped!
"Hi. Can I get a water?"
"No. The Starbucks policy is now that you can only get a water if you make a purchase."
"Oh, but I'm waiting for a friend and I don't want to buy something now and be finished by the time he gets here."
"Oh, well if you're waiting for a friend." Baristo fetches me some water.
Success! This is the title of my post! Had I not used my brain, I might've written "...Denied to All."
Now, I can end this post going out on top, but that would deny me this opportunity to continue sitting next to this gentleman with some sort of fucked up condition that's causing him to make all kinds of shakes, twitches, and whatnot, while he watches girls doing yoga on youtube. So, I'll continue.
If you read the title of this post, then assumed I meant water, and then further assumed I'd be talking about all the people on earth who're dying from dehydration and disease associated with drinking polluted water, well, you'd be wrong, again (this is a comedy blog) - I was very selfish and narrow-minded when I started writing this.
However, I find myself emulating Bertrand Russell in this life - "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind." So, here's to you, dehydrating people - I'm fighting the good fight with my words to get free water for everyone.
-Vin
*-misnomer
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